Noble Parenting: What a Father Tells His Sons

As my boys get older, I find my role as their father evolving. When they were babies my primary concerns were that they be safe, secure and have dry diapers. As they grew from babies to children I began to concern myself with their security, happiness, education and spiritual growth. Luke 2:52 was the paradigm for me. Yes, I also enjoyed the agony and ecstasy of living vicariously through their achievements in sports and extracurricular activities. Now at ages 22 and 16 both my sons are on or near the edge of manhood. I have often joked that parenting is terminal! It surely is just that but I find myself at another point of adjustment. I am having to learn to let go, especially with my college senior. Responsibilities and distance require I do so. I don’t see him every day now. I am learning new dimensions of trust: from him as he begins a life of responsible adulthood, career-building and ministry. I’m learning to trust that the spiritual guidance his mother and I provided grows fuller over a lifetime of opportunities and challenges. And most importantly, I am learning a further dimension of God Himself, His Word and prayer.

As both my boys (they’ll still be that when I’m ninety!) stand on the edge of manhood, here is my prayerful challenge to them:

Love God. I want them to love God completely, totally. Deuteronomy 1:36 says Caleb would inherit the Promised Land because: ‘he followed the Lord completely.’ The essence of the Hebrew language here says Caleb essentially “saturated himself” with God. That’s how I want my sons to live.

Do as you please. This first two are a quote from Augustine: Love God and do as you please. If held properly in balance I believe it is possible to have a life of faith, and passion for our lives. My prayer is they find it and live it!

Be Happy. I don’t want to sound like Morgan Freeman in The Bucket List but I want my sons to find “joy in their lives.” It won’t be found in our career achievements or material things but in our relationships with family and friends.

Don’t let other’s define you.  This took me a long time to learn this lesson. At one point in my life I wanted to be the next Mickey Mantle, Roger Staubach, Bobby Fisher and Wayne Allen (my home church pastor). But I’ve learned God only wants me to be the best Mike Tucker I can be. I want my boys to know this truth: Who you are in Jesus Christ is good enough! Don’t let anybody else derail you.

Follow Your Dreams. Life is no dress rehearsal. Go for it! Live life to its fullest. Figure out how to make your dreams a reality.

Run to the Sound of the Guns. Be courageous, put yourself out there to help people. Compassion and courage will allow you to impact many people in positive ways. My prayer is that my sons be those kind of men.

Marry your best friend. Like your old man. Apart from Jesus, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

Love,

Dad

Dr. Howard Hendricks (1924-2013) Mentor from Afar

This week Dr. Howard Hendricks entered the gates of glory. The longtime professor at Dallas Seminary died this week at the age of ninety. I didn’t attend DTS, never heard him speak in person and just met him years ago as I was browsing the DTS bookstore. Yet he was a mentor to me, even from a distance. Through his articles and books he shaped my leadership skills more than any individual outside Harry Piland and Wayne Allen. With a ministry spanning over sixty years he influenced thousands of pastors, missionaries and Christian educators. And I count myself among those.

How appropriate it was that the passage for his last chapel address at DTS was from 2 Timothy 2:15: ‘Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who doesn’t need to be ashamed, correctly teaching the word of truth.’ (HCSB). Not only is that verse a wonderful epitaph for Dr. Hendricks, it’s also his legacy!

 

Churchill on Leadership

Ten Great Quotes

Someone observed that history is biography. We can understand history by understanding the men and women who make it. I believe the same can be said of leadership. By studying leaders we can learn leadership practices and principles that apply to any age or organization: nations, companies, armies and churches. As a serious student of both leadership and history I have come to believe that Winston Churchill was the greatest leader of the twentieth century. In the critical events: World War I & II, the Depression, the rise of Nazism and the beginning of the Cold War, he is perhaps the leading figure. This man whose mother was an American has been voted as the “Greatest Brit ever.”

Having been a student of Churchill for the last forty years (I started early) I recently discovered a wonderful work for all lovers and students of The Man of the Century. Richard Langworth, editor of Finest Hour, the newsletter for the Churchill Center, has compiled a book of over 600 pages of quotes from Churchill’s speeches and writings, entitled Churchill By Himself (public Affairs, New York, 2008). Churchill’s daughter, Lady Soames wrote the foreword and Sir Martin Gilbert, Churchill’s official biographer wrote the introduction. It is a unique book compiled by only one of the few people who could have done so.

In this post I will share ten quotes from Churchill that relate to the concept of leadership principles and practice. The meaning of his words are clear and do not need any commentary from me:

1.      “We must be ready, as we always have been ready, to take the rough with the smooth.”         March 17, 1941

 

2.      “How useful it is in great organizations to have a roving eye.”     1952

 

3.      “No one is compelled to serve great causes unless he feels for it, but nothings is more certain than that you cannot take the lead in great causes as a half-timer.”                                                             May 9, 1936

 

4.      “I would sooner be right than consistent.”             1940

 

5.      “There is great danger in trying to have things both ways.”        February 15, 1951

 

6.      “There is no use once again leading other nations up the garden and then running away when the dog growls.”                                  January 8, 1937

 

7.      “It is wonderful what great strides can be made when there is a resolute purpose behind them.”                   May 7, 1947

 

8.      “In life people have first to be taught ‘Concentrate on essentials.’”         1952

 

9.      “To build may have to be slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day.”                September 29, 1959

 

10.   “The great thing is to get the true picture, whatever it is.”          November 24, 1940

 

I pray that these quotations may challenge, inspire, inform and cajole us to be better leaders.

Middle School Lockers and Churches

I hated my middle school……at least the first three weeks. The problem was my locker. Yep, I was one of those kids who couldn’t get it opened. I really struggled at it (my wife and kids will tell you I still do). Until I finally figured it out, I had no where to put my stuff! Now as a fifty-something I’m back in middle school, supplementing our ministry income working as a disciplinary teacher at a local middle school. One of the first things I’ve noticed is that the school lockers are still there. They look good, they’ve held up well…..until I found out why. NOBODY USES THEIR LOCKER ANYMORE! Now everyone has a backpack to keep their stuff.

It struck me recently that many churches in North America are like middle school lockers. It’s all about me, mine, my stuff, my room, my program, my property. Here’s the problem with these kinds of churches—they will end up like middle school lockers today—looking good on the outside but empty inside.

I’ve identified at least four characteristics of these churches:

First, members are more concerned about property, programs and preferences than the people in the community. I once served in a church with that mind set. It was indeed all about ME, ME, ME, ME! Mine & Thine! Too many churches have lost touch with the needs of their community. They are still operating their ministry out of an outdated 1950’s-60s model. It’s all about their stuff. Heaven help the pastor or staff member that messes with their stuff. We need to realign ministries and recalibrate strategies to face new realities.

Second, religious appearances count more than authentic faith. Far too often these churches have cookie cutter spirituality and condemn anyone who feels led to live and do something different. The reason this occurs is we have forgotten to teach, model and expect Christians to practice spiritual disciplines.

Third, in these church cultures rules and regulations are more important than grace and forgiveness. Many churches have become bureaucracies—i.e. fill out this form in triplicate if you need a room, bus or resource. I understand the importance of planning & accountability but let’s not lose focus!

Finally, these churches are permeated with an US vs. THEM mentality. Some churches are actually hostile to groups of people God is sending right into their own neighborhoods. It makes me miss the Cold War!

What should you do if you find yourself serving in one of these churches? GO SUBVERSIVE. Initiate little acts of kindness and mature spirituality to those around you. Remember we all live in ‘enemy territory.’ Don’t let others define your spirituality or your mission. Start where you are. Gather like-minded people around you. Go for it!