'WHY I FIRED MYSELF

Over the last twenty years I’ve had the opportunity to minister, equip and encourage over 400 churches as a speaker, trainer and consultant. Until recently I had never walked away from an incomplete assignment, or process. Until a few weeks ago…..The fact that I did so surprised me for a couple of reasons: first and foremost because the pastor was and still is, a good friend. Second, because their need and my skill set seemed a near perfect match. Finally, they really needed someone to provide an outside perspective. Their pastor and I had been meeting regularly for the last four years for some one-on-one coaching: I understood the challenges they faced while at the same time not having the emotional investment of their leaders and members.

I spent the beginning of my consultation doing what I should do: observing, asking questions, collecting data, in short trying to help them define and understand their reality. I thought we were all on the same page and off to a good start……..BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!!

So what happened? To put it simply: The pastor (still my good friend) and church leadership refused to accept or understand the reality of their church! This was not rocket science. The church was in a serious decline financially and in attendance. The church was at about a third of what it once had been and was rapidly using up their financial resources. My initial assessment included four elements:

·         Reorganize church leadership. It was too large and cumbersome for their present size. This made making tough but necessary decisions even more difficult.

·         Refocus the church energy on reaching new people.

·         Retrench the church financially by cutting ineffective and bloated programs.

·         Realign (slowly) the ministries of the church to impact their community.

I didn’t suggest they do all these at once. In fact, just tweaking a few things would put them on a better path. I gave them my best judgment on what need to be prioritized, to help stop the bleeding.

They refused. They made the decision together to remain in fantasy land, thinking all they needed was another building, or the right staff person, or the same leadership core that had got them in that situation.

So I did the only thing I thought I could do: I fired myself. I walked away…..Didn’t want to but it was the only option I had left. The church and pastor refused to listen to me….their emotional investment clouded their ability to see their true situation. Nothing was going to change, because they refused to face their reality.

In one of his books, author and researcher Jim Collins talks about a conversation he had with Admiral James Stockdale, the highest ranking American POW in the Vietnam War. As part of their conversation he asked Admiral Stockdale about those fellow Americans who survived and those who did not. The Admiral told him it was easy to answer that question. The survivors were those who understood their reality: That every day in the ‘Hanoi Hilton’ would be the sum total of the rest of their lives. The non-survivors were the optimists. They believed the North Vietnamese promise they’d be home by the next Christmas, then the next Easter or 4^th of July. When they began to understand they were being lied to, many would just give up and die. Those that survived accepted the grim reality of their existence, away from their families and their country. So Collins named this phenomenon the ‘Stockdale Syndrome’: Accept reality and maybe you’ll make it out.

I fired myself because the church refused to accept their reality (and therefore rejected my solution set). I hope this is the last time I have to fire myself. But it got me thinking, are there other situations where it is better to walk away?I came up with three other scenarios:

·         Unbiblical & unhealthy practices in senior leadership.  I’m talking here about a serious moral failure by a senior pastor or key staff member that goes unaddressed or I discover it is not dealt with by the church and/or person.

 

·         Unbiblical theology. I don’t mean differences in end-time views, but serious theological divergence from biblical, historical and classic Christianity on core issues. I’m not talking about denominational differences but a serious breach on key doctrinal issues.

 

·         Not in my skill set. As a general rule I don’t do music, acoustics, architecture, technology or social media. If in my diagnostic process I discover something I am not comfortable addressing I let the client know as soon as possible. If they ask for a recommendation I can often give them the name of a qualified person to address that concern.

The bottom line is simply this: If they won’t take my advice, if they refuse to listen, I’ll walk away. After over 400 churches it finally happened. I pray it never does again.

What do you think? What are some other situations where you would walk away? Let me know. Let’s get the conversation going.